idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
