Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
