I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
