He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
