i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
