He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
