I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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