I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize