this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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