If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
