every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
