isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
