I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
