They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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