You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
