we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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