id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
