She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
