I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My ass is underappreciated
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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