Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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