After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
