I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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