but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
