Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
