god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
