New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
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