Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize