Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
