dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
