In America we eat man semen.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
