I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
