My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The Olympian is in my bed
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