I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
