I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
