So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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