Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
