i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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