No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
