why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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