You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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