Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
