wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize