Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
