I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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