You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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