I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
