so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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