how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
