just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
