Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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