Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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