need another drink. this is the easiest way
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
