Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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