I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
