Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
You left your phone here
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