That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
