He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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