you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
