you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize