I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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