Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
