I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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