Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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