Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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