At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
