hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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