I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
