We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
