you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
