Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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