we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
