yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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