I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
