apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize