im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
