I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
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