five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My vagina is officially offended.
Damn victory sex feels great
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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