Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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