If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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