So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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