well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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