You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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