I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
