therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
