What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
