Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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