I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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