i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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