i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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