How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
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