have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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