I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
