I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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