I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
