I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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