so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
