I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize